


Nothing's Perfect

by PushPin



Series: Everybody died before this story started [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blind Sollux, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-30
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2017-12-06 22:32:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/740900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PushPin/pseuds/PushPin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The continued adventures of Dave Strider and his blind charge/boyfriend/whatever they're calling it these days.</p><p>"Slowly, everything was evening out.  Things felt normal every time you fell asleep with Sollux and woke up together.  He figured out how to make coffee without your help in the mornings, and learned where all the dishes were in the cabinets.  He was starting to get used to going out on his own, even if it was just around the corner to get bagels."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Slowly, everything was evening out. Things felt normal every time you fell asleep with Sollux and woke up together. He figured out how to make coffee without your help in the mornings, and learned where all the dishes were in the cabinets. He was starting to get used to going out on his own, even if it was just around the corner to get bagels.

The first time he wanted to try going somewhere on his own he asked if you would follow him from a distance, mostly to make sure he didn't walk into the street. You kept your distance behind him, but you could see when he would turn and listen for you. He tripped once or twice on cracks in the sidewalk, but made it to the drug store on his own. After that he was much more at ease going out on his own, as long as it wasn't more than a block away. 

You suggested getting the city to put up one of those 'blind pedestrian' signs on the street and he punched you in the stomach. Eventually he let you buy him a new cane, his old broken one fell apart sometimes if he tapped it on the ground too hard and you couldn't watch that anymore. You never told him but sometimes you caught other people looking at it too, pitying the blind guy with duct tape holding his cane together.

As well as he had progressed with getting around on his own, he still wouldn't let you get very far past first base in the bedroom. He was okay with sloppy make outs, and there was no shortage of cuddling when you shared such a small bed, but if it involved clothes coming off he shut it down. It hurt your feelings a little that he didn't seem to be attracted to you. Like maybe he didn't really want to be in a relationship with you, he just didn't want you to kick him out of the apartment. You knew better than to ask him about it.

One morning you woke up before him and were lying around thinking of all the things you had to get done during the day, it was a short list. It occurred to you to try for a 'sexy wake up call' when you started watching him sleep. He was lying on his back with the sheets twisted around his legs and you could see he was half hard. You weren't all the way awake yet but still thought it might be a good way to start the day. 

You rolled onto your side and kissed the side of his neck while getting an arm under the sheets. His arms were folded up under his pillow and his head was facing away from you, giving you great access to his neck. First you tried just tracing over the skin peeking out between his shirt and PJ pants, but he didn't react at all. Since he'd been living with you he gained a little weight, enough that you couldn't see his ribs through his tshirts anymore. It wasn't hard to figure out how he'd lost the weight in the first place, he wasn't good about eating unless you put food in front of him. Ninety percent of the time when asked if he was hungry he would say no, regardless of the last time he'd eaten. His stomach still sunk in when he was lying on his back though and you could trace the edges of his hip bones that stuck out of his pajama pants.

You tried being a little bolder and carefully traced over his pants, just touching the outline of him. When that didn't get even an intake of breath you started getting a little bolder and loosely cupped him through his pajamas, squeezing just a little, but it was a mistake. He immediately jolted awake, flailing his arms and got you right in the face with one elbow He kicked his feet and ended up falling off the side of the bed in the process. There were a few moments of loaded silence where you were trying to assess if he had broken your nose and he was presumably waking up.

“Dave what the fuck!” he shouted, loud enough that it made your jump. You could only see his toes curl from the leg that was still hooked over the side of the bed, the rest of him out of view on the floor.

“Bad idea, sorry, I have no good explanation.” you took your hand away from your throbbing nose and found it smeared with blood. Bloody nose then, you probably deserved that.

“Jesus what is wrong with you, don't just fucking... grab someone while they're sleeping.” he started out shouting but lost steam towards the end and you could hear the shaken sigh.

“I will apologize as many times as you think are necessary, because I don't know what's wrong with me either.” you shuffled off the other side of the bed and grabbed a towel from the corner, balling it up under your nose.

“Don't... ugh, don't make me be a little shit for making you apologize.” he didn't sound angry anymore, just mildly annoyed, and mostly tired.

“You are not the shit here, I was being super uncool. So sorry, can we pretend this never happened?” you spoke around the towel and stumbled your way around the bed until you could see him. He was sprawled on the floor next to the bed, one leg twisted and lying on his side on top of one of his arms.

“What's on your face?” he didn't move and his eyes were closed.

“Towel, you have impeccable aim for a blind guy.” you couldn't help but study the way his shirt was halfway up his chest.

“What?” he frowned.

“You bopped me in the nose on the way down.” you flopped down on the floor next to him and nudged one of his knees with yours.

“Bloody nose?”

“You can pay for the rhinoplasty later. Just because you don't get to enjoy my pretty mug doesn't mean everyone else can't.” you pulled the towel away to check, it was almost done bleeding.

“Don't be such a drama queen, I'm sure I didn't break your face.” 

“Yeah well, it's not like I didn't deserve it.” you leaned up against the side of the bed.

“Just... don't surprise me like that, okay?” he reached a hand up and ran his fingers though his hair.

“No more sexy morning surprises, got it.”

\---

Some days he had the same problems he had after Eridan was killed. He didn't like talking about it, but it was understood that his fatigue was purely in his head. There was some weight he carried that he couldn't overcome every day, and kept him down every once in a while. Sometimes you could drag him up and get him to eat, but other times you didn't have the heart to force him to do anything. He was always so quiet when it happened and it made you wonder what he was thinking about. 

Sometimes you got the feeling that he was glad for your company, even if he bitched at you for waking him up. He would hook two of his fingers into your jeans pocket while you worked on your computer with headphones on the bed next to him. 

You still went on real dates sometimes, the two of you would put on your nice clothes and go out for dinner together. You started lying to him about the cost of the checks when he would ask, it just upset him.

“Do you not want to have sex with me ever?” you pulled out one of your famous 'random blurts'.

He actually choked on his food for few seconds before catching his breath and taking a drink of his water.

“Are we not actually in a public place right now, did I get that wrong?” he cleared his throat and traced the area with one hand before putting his water glass back down.

“Nah, but we're in a corner, nobody can hear us.”

“All the same, could we save this for a more private setting?”

“Yeah, I was just wondering about it.” you shrugged for no one's benefit but your own.

You could see him blinking at you through his sunglasses. You both got comments often enough that it was annoying when both of you wore sunglasses inside. Sometimes a joke like 'he's blind, I'm just fly' was enough to make people shut up, but it was usually annoying to be asked at all.

“Lets get liquored up after this and we'll talk about it, okay?” he nudged one of your ankles under the table.

“Not that that doesn't sound great, but I was hoping for a real conversation.”

“We could do that, or we could get drunk and 'have a conversation'.” he actually did the air quotes with his fingers and a half smile.

As much as you really needed an answer out of him you couldn't resist the suggestion involving alcohol and implied sloppy make outs. It was especially hard to argue when he had you pushed down onto the couch and was sitting on your thighs. He had his hands on your shoulders, leaning down and pressing his mouth to yours. You let him do the work, he didn't always like it when you would be the one touching him. You knew for a fact that he didn't like being pinned underneath you, that it made him feel claustrophobic. You smoothed your hands down his sides while he leaned away and kissed your face, holding your head between his flat hands. He placed little touches of his lips all over the skin of your face, just between his thumbs. 

You laughed the first time he'd kissed your forehead, then your cheek, down to your jaw and the corner of your lips. It wasn't until the next day that you realized it was only weird to you because you could see his face. The only way he got to see you was touching, so when he planted small kisses over your face he got to map you out too. He told you once that he was sad he'd never get to actually see what you look like, and you couldn't shake the melancholy thought from your head for days.

Your hands wandered to the sides of his hips, and some part of your drunken thought process decided that he probably wouldn't notice your fingers feeling the sides of his butt. After your poorly thought out morning grope you'd been much mare careful about inappropriate touching until he gave you the okay.

“Is that supposed to be subtle or sexy, I can't tell.” he laughed into your neck and moved his hands back to your shoulders.

“Can it be both?” you gave his hips a little squeeze and he squirmed a little.

“If you're going to touch my butt then just do it already.” he said it like it was a dare.

“So what you're saying is that I shouldn't-”

“Don't say it!” he squeaked out.

“-half-ass it?” you punctuated the terrible line by clapping your hands over his ass.

“Nooo!” he fell on top of you laughing with sloppy breathless hiccups. He was pulling at your shirt in a way that was definitely going to stretch it out with his face buried in the couch cushion next to your head. 

“Do you like me for my puns or my body?”

“The puns, definitely. Those really get me hot.” he showed no signs of moving, so you took the opportunity to gently feel his butt. It was pretty flat, and stiff without much give, but still nice. You could hook your thumbs into the back of his jeans and reach your fingertips to the bottom curve of the cheeks. It made you wonder what he would look like naked, how warm his skin would be.

“Enjoying yourself back there?” he grumbled, turning his head so he was speaking into your neck.

“I have no complaints.” you dipped your thumbs deeper under the waistband of his jeans but he twisted, pressing his thigh between your legs in a way that was less sexy and more uncomfortable.

“Woah, maybe a little less.” he reached back and unhooked your hands.

“Should I just stop touching you altogether, is that better?” you lifted your hands off him, unable to keep the frustration out of your voice.

“Woah, what?” he pushed himself off you enough that you could face him, blinking with blank eyes.

“Like every time I think we're getting somewhere sexy you tell me to back off, so what am I supposed to do?”

He sat back on your thighs again, leaning one his hand on either side of your waist. You expected him to be angry, since every time you had a frustrated comment it usually blew up into a full argument. There were a few rare occasions when you would make a complaint and he would shut up and agree with you, putting himself down, and then you were the asshole.

“I'm not trying to be like that... I just need to go slower. I wouldn't know what to do even if I could see what was happening.”

“What do you mean you wouldn't know what to do? It's not rocket science here.” you rested a hand on his shoulder, giving a comforting squeeze. Maybe you were going to talk about this after all.

“I mean I've never done anything with another guy before now. Or, I guess I made out with Eridan once or twice, but that wasn't even a thing.” he sat up straighter and shrugged your hand off.

“Hold up, was it once or was it twice? Because I don't remember you having a particular fondness for the guy.” you were both drunk, and you could see this going down a bad path but couldn't stop yourself. Most of the time it was difficult to be jealous when he didn't leave your apartment, so you hadn't had much experience with the emotion.

“I don't know, I don't remember, a few times?” he sounded frustrated with a touch of shame.

“Woah, so now it's a few times? That's verging on having a thing with him.” in your head you were thinking 'don't yell at him' but your tone wasn't playing along.

“Well he's fucking dead now, so you can untwist your panties.” he snapped, shoving at your chest and climbing off you. 

“Wow fine, I didn't like having a boner anyways.” you let him go and sat up, straightening your clothes. When you next looked up he was shrugging his coat on and knocking his cane over.

“Where are you going?” you sighed, standing up to go get his cane for him but he got it first.

“Out.” he headed for the door before you could catch his arm.

“It's late and you're drunk, don't go out.” you pushed against the door when he tried to open it.

“Fuck you Dave I can go outside if I want to!” he shoved you off the door and slipped out before you could get you balance and get a hold on his coat.

You chased him to the end of the hall before he took a real swing at you with his cane and you let him go. By the time you got back inside the apartment you realized two things; you were ready to hit him back, and he didn't have a cell phone. The best you could do was sit around and wait for him to find his way back on his own.

It made for a long night, and two hours later you were thinking of calling the cops. You walked around the block a few times yourself before thinking to check the roof of the building. You already had your phone out and were looking up the number for the police station when you found him. He was closer to the edge that you wanted a blind guy to be, on his knees and leaning over the two foot rise around the edge of the roof. His arms were hanging over the edge, a lit cigarette between his fingers and a bottle of wine next to his knee, nestled in the gravel to keep it upright.

“Who is it?” he didn't sound worried, he just sniffled and half turned his head.

“Just me, I've been looking for you.” you heaved a sigh of relief and shuffled your way over to him, keeping your distance from the drop.

“You're right on the edge of the building you know.” you had to carefully corral your voice to sound calm.

“Yeah, I got that.” he snapped back at you.

“I wasn't trying to be an ass, heights just worry me is all.” you managed not to growl it back at him.

“You're worried about heights or you're worried about me and heights?” he sounded like a sullen kid who just got grounded.

“What do you want me to say Sollux? How am I not supposed to baby you when half the time you fall down the stairs without help?”

“I'm not mad at you about it.” you could hear him sniffle, but it was dark on the roof and kind of hard to see. The calm response took you by surprise after your argumentative response.

“Huh?”

“I'm just mad I'm not good for anything anymore, sorry. It's hard not to get angry about it sometimes.” he dropped his mostly finished cigarette off the roof and it drifted all the way down to the street.

“How much of this have you had?” you stepped close enough that you could pick up the wine bottle and shake it a little, it was mostly empty.

“Too much, feel kind of sick.” he was blinking out at nothing, exuding pathetic and angry.

“You're allowed to be angry, you know? What happened to you isn't fair, just... don't take it out on me?” you crouched next to him and tentatively put a hand on his back, but he didn't shrug you off.

“You know you're the best thing that's ever happened to me Dave. I'm gonna try to stop being such a shitball to you.” he reached over and got his hand on your knee, and it would have been more heartfelt if he wasn't slurring his words so badly.

“Thanks Sol. Gonna come inside?” you clapped him on the back with a hollow thump.

“Help me up.” he sat back on his heels and put his hands up.

You took him by his wrists and heaved him to his feet but he wobbled and his knees were weak. He stumbled a step closer and threw both arms over your shoulders, leaning into you. It was a hug, or it would have been if you weren't keeping him on his feet. His breath was hot against your bare neck and he smelled like cheap wine.

“Sorry Dave.” his voice was muffled and a little too loud for the proximity, but it was still nice to hear.

“Forgiven, lets go before you barf on me.” much to your concern he agreed that it was a good idea.

You ended up carrying him down the stairs with a piggy back ride and dropping him onto your bed. You peeled his shoes off while he struggled his way out of his jacket before falling onto the bed next to him. It was late, you weren't as drunk as you had been earlier, but at least your fight with Sollux was over and he was home.


	2. Chapter 2

“Why do you have all these jars of water?” Sollux was holding one of your smaller specimens, gently sloshing the liquid in the jar back and forth to hear it.

“Uh...” it had occurred to you before that there was a chance he would one day ask about your collection of preserved specimens. A decent number of them were in amber and resin, but you had a few that were preserved in jars. He had one of your less offensive ones, a frog with three extra legs, but it wriggled around rather sickeningly in the jar with him shaking it.

“This isn't water, is it?” he looked nonplussed and stopped shaking the jar, holding it out at arms length. 

“Not entirely, no.” you took it from him and put it back on the shelf.

“Do I want to know?” he wiped his hands on his pants like he had touched something dirty.

“Probably not?” you handed him a piece of amber with a scorpion in it but he took it with some reserve.

“Am I ever going to guess on my own?” he ran his fingers over the corners of the square of amber. To him it was nothing but a rock.

“Nah. It's not that bad though.”

“Fine, just tell me.” he shook the amber.

“It's just a few preserved specimens, that's a scorpion in amber, the other one was a frog.”

“A dead frog in a jar?” his eyebrows drew together and he pressed his thumbs over the smooth front of the amber but didn't find whatever he was looking for. He handed it back to you and had the face of someone trying not to be disgusted.

“Yeah, I dunno I think he's kind of cute. He's got seven legs.” you put the amber back in its place and twisted the jar until the frog was facing forward.

“That's so gross, have they been here the whole time?” he held his hands away from his body like they were dirty.

“Are you kidding? That frog's been in here as long as I have, since I moved in with my bro. And quit acting all squicked you were the one that put your paws all over them without asking.” you took his arm and he followed you into the kitchen, making a beeline for the sink.

You sidled up behind him while he was washing his hands, looping your arms around him and resting your chin on his shoulder.

“Now all I can think about is how there's going to be dead things in jars watching us on the couch.” he scrubbed soap all the way up his wrists.

“I dunno, I kind of like having an audience.”

“Fucking weirdo.” he elbowed you in the gut but he was laughing and it didn't hurt.

“I could always move them to the bedroom.” you murmured into his ear seductively, tickling your fingers over his stomach and he lost it in a fit of laughter.

You ended up with soap in your hair and one of his arms was soaked up to his shoulders after nearly falling into the sink. You'd never tested it before but he was actually ticklish, unfortunately he also had sharp elbows and didn't know to how to grab you to get you off. You followed him when he sank to the floor and couldn't get purchase on the counter or your hands with the soap. He finally surrendered and you let him finish washing his hands. You had to wash soap out of your hair and clothes, but it was worth it.

\---

In the spring you got a wedding invitation from John and Rose. It didn't come as a surprise to you, John had told you it was coming, but Sollux wasn't expecting it.

“So you're going all the way to Washington just for their wedding?” he yawned, reclining against the arm rest on the couch, leaving no room for you.

“Yeah, we are.” you sat across from him on the coffee table.

Sollux had a careful look on his face for a few silent moments.

“I don't really want to go.” he tried.

“I got that. But I'd really like if you came, not to mention it would be a huge snub if you didn't. You don't exactly have more pressing life issues.” you poked him in the hand with the corner of the invitation. Rose had included a special card in braille and part of you was wondering if she included anything she didn't want you to read.

“I doubt John would want me there any more than I want to be there.” he twisted away from your poking.

“John doesn't hate you, he just doesn't know how to like you either. Take the card, Rose put braille in there for you.” you took his hand and deposited the card in it but he frowned.

“What am I even supposed to do at a wedding?” he dropped the card onto the couch, more whining than arguing.

“The same thing as everyone else, be bored and wait for the free booze. What does the card say?” you reached over and put his fingers over the braille. Sollux sighed like it was a great chore and traced over the short message.

“It just says Rose will be very disappointed if I don't come.” 

“It's three days out of your life. Will you go for me?” you reached over and gave his hand a squeeze.

“... I'll go but I don't have to be happy about it.”

\---

You bought Sollux a cheap suit from a goodwill just for the wedding. The sleeves were a little short and the fit in his shoulders wasn't quite as snug as it should have been, but it was cheap and he was probably only going to wear it once. It had a matching vest and you had to put some safety pins in the back so it fit him flat in the front. It made you think that you should consider getting him a nice suit that fit him right, he would look nice.

You hadn't thought about it before hand, but being John's best man meant that you were going to be away from Sollux for the entire wedding ceremony. John offered to let him be a part of the wedding party 'honorarily' so he could come along, but you dismissed the idea. Your plan had been to keep John and Sollux apart as much as possible. Although you knew they were capable of being rational adults, that didn't mean it was likely, and you wanted the wedding to happen with a minimum of drama.

You deposited Sollux in one of the pews near the front of the church and told him to stay put until you came to get him. He agreed but he didn't look happy about it. You were able to catch glimpses of him throughout the ceremony, and he looked unhappy and uncomfortable every time. Even you had to admit that it all went on longer than you would have preferred. Not that you didn't like your friends, but how long did it really take to say 'man and wife'. There was a lot of speech and procession to get through first.

Even with the length of the ceremony, it was kind of nice to see your sister dressed in white. You didn't remember the last time she had worn anything without the color black. She still had her trademark black lipstick, but you had to swallow past a lump in your throat when John lifted her veil. 

Far later in the afternoon than you had been expecting they finally told everyone to vacate the church and make their way to the reception hall for food and a party. You got a decidedly less than chipper response from Sollux when you finally were able to make it to him, after everyone else had made their way out of the church first.

John informed you that everyone else had already left with all the cars so you got a ride with them to the reception hall. It was a little awkward, but Sollux seemed relieved that he didn't have to sit next to ever more strangers. The reception was back to stranger hell though.

The reception was loud, crowded, and remarkably even less fun than the ceremony when you got there. You and Sollux were at a table with Jade and a number of other people who were strangers to you. While Sollux had an excuse for ignoring attempts at polite conversation you were not so lucky. Jade was comfortable mingling and having simple conversations, and you were relieved when John came to get you to start setting up the DJ equipment. You had to leave Sollux at the table alone with the promise that you would be right back, and that he should just ask Jade for help if he needed anything. He looked like he wanted to complain, and tried to get you to let him come with you, but there was no way he could help you set up sound equipment. You had to tear yourself away from his kicked puppy face to keep a schedule.

The next time you had a free moment you went back to the table to find him gone and Jade had no answers. After a little bit of freaking out you were finally able to find him at the bar in the next room, everybody else was eating dinner and hadn't found the bar yet. It looked like he had opted for drinks instead of food. The bartender didn't look to care, he just kept on working to get ready for what looked like was going to be an awful lot of martinis.

He jumped when you put a hand on his shoulder, fumbling the glass tumblr but managing not to drop it.

“Sorry, just me. What are you doing?” you rubbed your hand over his spine, leaning against the bar next to him.

“Avoiding people, drinking, preparing for the beginning of the end? Take your pick.” he gulped down the bottom third of his glass and his eyes watered when he put the glass down.

“So you just plan to spend all night being blitzed?” you tried not to sound like a mother hen, but it always worried you when he got overly drunk. You could never say it to him but he was kind of a danger to himself when he was impaired like that.

“I'm aiming for somewhere between 'blackout drunk' and 'violently ill'.” without asking questions the bartender filled his now empty glass with vodka, giving you a questioning look. All you could do was shrug.

“If you could end up short of violently ill I'd be grateful.”

He gave you a thumbs up and got back to drinking, not working to acknowledge you any further. So maybe he was a little bit upset that you ditched him at the table. You took the hint and went back to finish setting up everything for music. You kept an eye on his empty seat in the hall but he didn't come back and eventually they took away his plate of untouched food. You had enough to worry about without babysitting him so you stayed to give your stupid 'best man' speech about the bride and groom before starting the music. You got to watch you sister and your best friend dance their first dance together, and John couldn't keep a straight face.

The next time you saw Sollux he was the one to find you. He practically crawled up the steps on his hands and feet to get behind the booth and you took him by the arm before he could knock anything over. He hung his arms over you shoulders while you queued up another song, leaning his whole weight against you. The smell of alcohol was worryingly strong when he leaned up and kissed your cheek, nearly taking you both down when he lost his balance. It was kind of sweet, even if he was really drunk.

Rose got him out of your hair for a short time by getting him to come dance with her. He clearly didn't know what to do but couldn't blurt out an excuse in time before she whisked him away. You could see Rose laughing when she had to lead and keep him upright enough to move in time. Instead of embarrassed he looked to be concentrating very hard on following Rose. When the song was over he started wandering off but Jade intercepted him before he could get away. He was stuck being passed between Rose and Jade while they laughed and had a good time, and by the time the next song ended they let him go. He started going the wrong way before Jade directed him back to you with a firm arm around his middle.

“I think you've had quite enough martinis for one night sir.” Jade heaved him up the three steps to get behind the sound equipment but he ended up on his knees next to you.

“Having a good time?” you knelt next to him and ruffled his hair. His head wobbled under your hand.

“That will be decided tomorrow.” he slurred, half shoving you away while keeping his hand clenched in your shirt.

“Rose told me to tell you that she wouldn't be opposed to letting him go back to the hotel before he barfs on someone.” Jade put her hands on her hips and regarded Sollux with worried pity.

“I'm right here!” he groaned, leaning back but finding nothing to keep him upright so he pulled on your shirt before he tipped over.

“Yes you are. Can you promise you won't barf on anyone?” you took him by his upper arms and steadied him but he let his head loll.

“...No.” he cracked a smile but seemed to find it inappropriate and carefully controlled himself.

“Up we go then. If I set up some songs to play can you just keep an eye on the stuff? I shouldn't be gone for more than half an hour.” you got him to unfold his legs and worked on getting an arm around him before pulling him upwards.

“Do I get a cut of the proceeds?” Jade gave you a hand and pulled on his arm.

“You would if I was getting paid for this, I think my usual fee went towards the open bar.”

The two of you got Sollux to his feet and you started the slow process of corralling him towards Jade's rental car. She seemed relieved to have him out of her hair, offering the use of her car without hesitation. There was a parking lot underneath the building and you followed Jade's directions, clicking the unlock button on the key until a car down the row blinked to life. Sollux followed you silently but ran into the back of the car when you tried to lead him around to the door.

“Where are we going?” he mumbled, pulling on your arm.

“Back to the hotel.” you had to grip his upper arm pretty firmly to get him going in the right direction.

“How long until we get there?” he threw his arms over your shoulders again and dragged you closer, pushing until you were forced to lean back against the car.

“I don't know, ten minutes? Just have to-” before you could continue Sollux sealed his mouth over your, pressing your shoulders into the car and slipping his tongue into your surprised mouth.

As nice of a gesture as it was you could hardly breathe over the alcohol fumes on his breath, he smelled like a lawn mower. You were able to gently force his face away from yours but he looked confused.

“We're in the parking garage dude.” you caught his wrists when his hands started to stray low on your belly but it left you open for him to try another kiss.

“So? I don't hear anyone.” he leaned close and pressed himself against you, forcing you back against the car. His tongue traced your ear before he scraped his teeth over the shell. Despite your misgivings your dick had no qualms with this scenario.

“Could we at least-” you couldn't help a small hiss when he ground his thigh between your legs “move to the car?” your voice came out much higher than you planned.

“Lead the way.” his voice was low and he didn't let up, mischievously biting your ear lobe. You managed to pry him off you long enough to open the back seat and helped pull him up the step inside. Jade had rented an SUV, and while it was a big car the backseat wasn't exactly roomy.

He shoved you down to recline across the back seats and managed to close the door behind both of you without slamming your ankles in the door. He climbed on top of you with a minimum of knee gouging and straddled your hips. It was already feeling stuffy in the car when he loosened your tie and worked his shaky hands over the buttons until he had access to your neck. 

You let out an embarrassing whine when his mouth sealed over a patch of skin on your neck, his teeth scraping before sucking deep bruises. Part of your brain knew you should probably stop him, but when he ground his hips down against yours all your thoughts scattered. He pulled your shirt up until he could get his hands under it and you bucked up against him when his hands touched your bare skin, biting back another noise.

“Oh my god please don't let me ruin these pants.” you groaned, watching him sit up and shuck his jacket, tossing it in the front seat.

You put your hands on his hips while he worked on getting the buttons of his vest undone, dragging him down so you could grind up against him with a hiss of breath. He smiled and gave up halfway through the buttons, planting his hands on either side of you and leaning close. This was happening, you were actually getting somewhere with him, that never happened. You'd fantasized about getting busy with him before, wondering when it was finally going to happen. This wouldn't have been your first guess.

He kissed you probably more forcefully than he meant to, rolling your lip between his teeth and dominating your mouth with his tongue. He wriggled until he was on his elbows on top of you and you could feel his hard dick pinned against your thigh. He rolled his hips down against you and moaned into your mouth. You pulled him down against you and the friction of so many clothes between you was killer.

“Can we lose a few layers?” you separated his mouth from yours for a second and panted.

“Like... how many?” he hesitated, swallowing hard and letting his weight rest on top of you. If felt good and you rocked against him.

“How about all of them?” you breathed into his ear, pulling him down with a grip on his ass.

“Uh... I don't really...” he lifted himself up a little and you immediately wanted the weight back.

“Okay okay stay like that, just let me get my pants off.” you weren't feeling especially patient, and if taking off a few clothes was going to make him stop you didn't want it.

He laughed and lifted himself onto his hands and knees while you rushed to kick your pants down to your ankles. Just because he didn't have to come back to the reception didn't mean you could afford to ruin your pants. You were kicking at the window of the car, desperately trying to get the waistband below your knees and that would have to be good enough.

“Oh my god what are you doing?” he laughed, trying to keep it together while you wiggled around underneath him.

“I don't know about you, but it's a little cramped in here for me.”

“Yeah but I thought you said you were taking your pants off not picking a fucking lock.” he let his head fall forward and his hair got in your mouth a little.

“Whatever, good enough, get back here.” you pushed yourself up onto your elbows and pulled him back down on you. He sank into you and god it felt great when he rubbed up against you, his whole body hot against yours.

He wrapped his arms around you and buried is face into the crook of your neck, pressing his hips against yours and panting soft pleas into your neck. You held him tightly and worked on rolling your hips up against his and drawing as many sounds of pleasure as you could out of him. You were both sweating and your suit was definitely going to be noticeably wrinkled on your return to the reception, but it was hard to care.

“Oh fuck!” he shouted way too close to your ear and his arms tightened around you. You could feel the muscles in his legs tremble when his thighs squeezed around your hips.

Before you had time to wonder if he was really done he fell limp on top of you with a heaving sigh. You gave him a little pat on the back and tried to sit up and coax him into a sitting position, but he remained floppy. 

“You wanna give me a little help here?” you tried jostling him but it didn't accomplish much.

“With what?” he actually yawned into your shoulder and you were in a bad sitcom. It was still too early to decide if he was doing this intentionally or if it was the alcohol. There was a good chance he wasn't even going to remember this tomorrow.

“You know... just give me a hand?” you rolled your hips against him and prayed he got the point.

“Oh, shit. Yeah uh, I could... do something.” he managed to push himself up into a position that was mostly sitting up on his own, shaking his head like he needed to wake himself up.

You sighed, a little frustrated by the lack of enthusiasm on his part, but your boner was more persistent than that. It took a little more squirming around under him to get your underwear down enough that your erection could spring free, and he waited patiently. A little too patiently in fact; you were waiting for him to take some initiative and touch you on his own, but he just stayed where he sat on your thighs and yawned again.

You had to catch one of his hands and guide it, he seemed more surprised than he should have to have a dick in his hand. He gave you a gentle squeeze and spread his fingers apart but didn't move beyond that.

“What?” you finally asked when it was starting to become awkward, him just holding your cock.

“I don't know? I've never had another guy's dick in my hand?” he leaned against the seat back.

“So? You've got one, it can't be that different.” you reached down yourself and put your hand over his, squeezing his hand tighter under yours and biting your lip.

“This is weird.” he whispered and you let go, letting your head fall back onto the seat.

“Okay, nevermind.” you could just wait for the raging boner to go away on its own. If he kept saying shit like that it wasn't going to be a problem.

“No no! Sorry, I've got this!” he perked up and moved his hand more enthusiastically, loosely cupping his other hand around the first one and pumping you.

It felt nice enough, and you could fantasize about him using his mouth. You could see the moment where he started to lose focus and switched hands, closing his eyes. You had to reach down and help him out again but he slapped your hand away assuring you that 'I can do it!'. It took longer than normal but even with sloppy unenthusiastic hands he got the job done.

“Fuck, Sollux!” you grunted and came, your heart pounding in your chest.

“Oh nooo...” he said distantly and quiet, like he was half asleep. It took you a few moments to regain yourself and get your eyes open to see the problem. He had both his hands cupped around your softening dick, covering you up.

“What was I supposed do, it was gonna go everywhere?” he grimaced and held his hands up, soiled with come. You couldn't help but laugh at his distant horror, he was just too drunk to be properly upset about anything.

“You did good man. Just don't touch anything and you can wash up at the hotel.” 

You got him arranged in the back seat and managed to keep him awake on the drive back so he didn't have to rest his hands on anything. It was a quick jog back to the room and mercifully nobody crossed your path, it would have been hard to explain. You got him cleaned up (mostly, you were going to let him take care of his own mess downstairs), in pajamas, and aware of the trash for barfing in can next to the bed.

“Ok, if you need me here's my phone, just press send and it'll call Jade.” you pulled on his arm until he was on his side.

“Where are you going again?” half his face was crushed into the pillow, distorting his words worse than his his drunken slurring.

“Back to John and Rose's wedding. I'll be back in a while.” you brushed his bangs back and his eyelashes fluttered.

“Come back soon, okay? I miss you.” 

“Get some sleep.” you kissed his cheek and he hummed.

You got back to the wedding an hour later than you had promised. John bought your excuse that Sollux was sick and you had to stick with him for a while, but Rose and Jade were entirely unconvinced. Jade just giggled while Rose adjusted your tie and tugged at your collar, pointing out that you could probably use a little concealer for the bruises on your neck.


	3. Chapter 3

Sollux made friends with this dirty fucking stray cat that came to visit on the fire escape. It was mangy, missing an eye, and hadn't had a bath its entire life. You had no idea where he got the cans of cheap cat food from, but he liked to lean out the window and feed it. He knew better than to let it in the apartment so he would sit on the fire escape and pet it sometimes when it stuck around long enough for pleasantries.

You were making fun of it one time, griping about how dirty and gross looking it was and he stayed quiet. He didn't admit it, but you hurt his feelings insulting the cat. Rose was the one to point out your error when you were telling her about it on the phone later. You managed to insult one of very few things on the planet that Sollux gave any fucks about, and didn't even get what you did until several days later.

He switched to playing with the cat when he knew you weren't around. Sometimes you would come home in the middle of the night and he'd be out on the fire escape, waiting for his cat. You thought about letting it come in the apartment, but it was really feral and would run away if it saw you coming up to the window.

One afternoon it came around, meowing on the other side of the window, and he got on his knees in front of the window before sliding it open. You heard him call for you with uncertainty, a tone that you recognized he used when he needed you to look at something. His nose was wrinkled and he was rubbing his fingers together, covered in bright red sticky paint. Someone had spray painted a thick line across that cat's side and it was still wet. The cat seemed unfazed, if a little more cautious than normal. It ran off when you got too close to the window while trying to get a look at it.

There was nothing you could do to make it come back, so you sat at the window with him for the next forty five minutes waiting to see if it would come back. He just sat with his forehead against the glass, one hand linked with yours on the floor between you. Even if the cat came back it wasn't like you were going to be able to do much, you couldn't even get it to come in the apartment, there was no chance it was going to come in for a bath.

“Your cat will be fine Sol, it's a tough cookie. A little paint isn't going to hurt it.” you gently bumped a fist against his shoulder.

“S'not my cat, just a stray.” he was tearing the skin off his lower lip between his teeth.

“... You want to get a cat? Like from the pound or something?” you squeezed his fingers in yours but his hand was limp.

“Nah. I couldn't take care of a cat, it would just...” he trailed off.

“You think it would die.” you spoke quietly, he just shrugged.

“What about a black one? Aren't they supposed to have anti-bad-luck mojo?”

“I don't want a fucking cat, okay? Drop it.” he pulled his hand out of yours, folding both his arms on the windowsill.

“I'm just trying to help.” you sighed and got up, he turned his head like he was watching you.

“I know, sorry... and thanks.”

\---

He confided in you that sometimes he got irrationally scared when he was left in the apartment alone. He could hear the upstairs neighbors, but sometimes it sounded like they were in the bedroom and he would get his cane and check all the corners and the closet. Sometimes he thought of calling you but decided it was stupid.

You had to reassure him that he could call you whenever, or if he ever just needed to get out of the apartment he knew where the coffee shop was. He just nodded and mumbled that he was always worried that one day Gamzee would come back and finish him off. There wasn't any assurance you could give him besides the locked door.

You got him to go outside for photos one or twice. You'd lead him out to the park and take him by the shoulders to guide him where you wanted. He let you arrange him how you wanted and stayed patiently in place while you took your photos.

It had been that he didn't like the smell of your darkroom chemicals, but he grew to accept it. You would set up in the bathroom, trays of chemical in the basin of the tub, and kneel in the dark to develop your photos. Your enlarger only just fit on the top of the sink and every once in a while Sollux would sit on the toilet seat to keep you company while you worked.

He didn't know anything about darkroom photography, and didn't understand why you wouldn't just use a digital camera. You had no way to show him the difference between your film photos and digital ones, so you just had to describe it to him. You said out loud what you were working on and continuously mumbled what the photos were of, grumbling when the prints didn't come out right.

“You're really all about this, huh?” you could hear him scuffing his feet against the floor.

“I've been doing it for a long time if that's what you mean?” you reached over and flicked the bathroom light on, inspecting the photo in the fix.

“You ever want to make a career out of it?”

“Nah, as soon as you do something for money it's work and therefore not fun.” you felt his toes brush the side of your thigh.

“Is that what happened with you and music?”

“Kind of? It's still fun, and way better than working behind a fucking register, but it's not the same as how I used to do it.” you turned the lights back out and stood to adjust the enlarger for another print.

“How did it change?” he reached out a hand and found one of your belt loops.

“Eh, it's more work now. I used to get home from school and feel like I needed to get mixes done, just because I wanted to. But now I have to do them or else I don't get jobs, and I have to make them so everyone will like them, not just so I like it. It just sucks the fun out of it somehow.” you flicked the lights off and set the enlarger to print again. You could see Sollux a little better with the light and rested a hand over his at your side.

“So you don't want to sell any of your pictures?”

“Nah, they're shit anyways, not worth the paper they're printed on.”

“But Rose likes them?” he frowned.

“Yeah but she has to or I'll stop talking to her.”

\---

You came home one night after an early set and found Sollux huddled under one of your sweatshirts with the hood up. His face was red and at first you were worried he'd been crying or something, but he was just embarrassed. After some poking and prodding you got him to put the hood down and had to hold your breath to keep from laughing.

Apparently, before he was blind, he would cut his own hair. In a lapse of his better judgment he thought that it would work the same way even if he couldn't see. About halfway through he realized he had made a terrible mistake and tried to think of a way to fix it, but it was too late, so he was only left with the option of trying to hide it. You apparently made it home just after he pulled one of your sweatshirts on, when it was dawning on him that he couldn't hide it forever.

“Just please don't laugh at me, okay? I feel like shit.” his face was red all the way up to his ears and down his neck, and he kept bringing his hands up to cover his hair.

“This is the sound of me not laughing, we'll get you to a salon tomorrow, okay?” 

He nodded morosely and pulled the hood back up over his head. When he was asleep you called the place around the corner to give them fair warning, make an appointment, and to ask them not to say anything or laugh. The hairdresser on the phone was nice and got the giggles out of her system on the phone.

You had to physically drag Sollux out of the apartment the next day, and he insisted on wearing a hat underneath the hood. It was overkill but it got him out the door. He held your hand while you led him and hung his head, but there wasn't really anything you could do to make him feel better than you were already doing.

When you go to the salon the receptionist seemed prepared to deal with a hair accident and didn't ask any more than his name. You left him in the hopefully capable hands of the stylist. When you came back twenty minutes later she was almost done and Sollux looked ready to leave.

His hair was short, much shorter than it had been yesterday. It was trimmed short and longer on top, swept forward and a little spiky. His bangs were short and choppy, but it was kind of cute and made him look like a little kid. Compared to his haircut before he hardly had any hair left. You wandered over and the stylist told you she was almost done. When you paid you were pretty sure they gave you a discount and you thanked them on Sollux's behalf since he was hell bent on hiding in his own personal shame bubble.

Sollux sulked the whole way back to the apartment, despite you telling him that he looked fine. He took a deep breath when you were back in the apartment and collapsed on the sofa.

“Sorry I'm an idiot.” he grumbled, running his fingers through his hair and judging the length.

“It's okay, it doesn't bother me.” you leaned over him and pulled on a little lock of his hair, soft.

“It doesn't look like a botched haircut?” he let his hands fall away so you could thread your fingers in his black locks.

“Nah, just kind of punky. You should get your eyebrow pierced or start wearing eyeliner, it would complete the look.” you scratched your fingers just above his ear, enjoying the feeling of the short springy hairs.

“Seriously? I want you to imagine me poking myself in the face with a stick of eyeliner and the resulting catastrophe.” he scrunched up his face.

“Don't worry baby, I'll do your makeup for you every morning.” you pinched his cheeks and he slapped your hands off him, frowning but clearly trying not to laugh.

Later, you ended up tangled on the couch together. You were enjoying the feel of his shorter hair between your fingers, the prickly feeling on your fingertips, while he seemed to like the touch too. He kept elbowing you right in the tit, but you couldn't complain over the quiet appreciative noises he made every time you did something especially good to his neck. It was an exciting discovery when you found out that hickeys didn't bother him, mostly because he didn't know they were there.

You were twisted and tangled, with him mostly on top of you but half pushed into the back of the couch so he could keep his elbows mostly to himself. He would now let you tuck your hands under his shirt and hold onto his bare skin, even if you hadn't gotten him to take his shirt off for you yet. He had a hand down the back of your collar and between your shoulder blades, scratching at your skin and keeping you tangled up in him.

Someone was knocking at the door. It was loud and made both of you groan in frustration. 

“You think they'll go away if we ignore them?” he sighed, letting his head fall to the side.

You were not so lucky, whoever it was didn't even wait for you to consider the possibility before they started knocking again.

“Open up you blood blistering fuckass!” the voice from the other side of the door was grating and angry.

Sollux went rigid against you for a second before violently disentangling from you and leaping off the side of the couch. His knee practically punched a hole in your thigh, and you did your best to keep him from breaking his skull open on the coffee table before he hit the ground. He hit the ground anyways but it didn't seem to effect him and he was up again a second later.

“Shit Sol where's the fire?” you were trapped in cushion hell, sinking into the ass crack of the couch while trying to get up and follow Sollux.

He stumbled his way to the door and ripped it open, or as open as it would go with the chain on.

“About fucking time, get the fucking chain off I think your neighbor is about to call the cops.” whoever was on the other side of the door gave the door a jolt and shook the chain.

You couldn't see who it was yet, and ended up rolling off the couch to get out of its clutches. Sollux slammed the door shut and was having trouble with the chain still when you finally made it to him, putting a hand over his and leaning in close.

“Who is that?” you whispered, low enough that whoever was on the other side of the door couldn't hear.

“It's Karkat. My old roommate.” he seemed surprised, like he forgot you were even there.

“You mean the one that dumped you for a serial killer clown, then basically said he wasn't going to talk to you ever again?” you pried his hand off the chain.

“So you don't want me to let him in?” his eyebrows knit together and you could see that this could go either way. Either you let it go and he wasn't mad at you, or you kept asking questions and it was going to be a fight.

“Just making sure we're talking about the same Karkat. Proceed.” you couldn't keep the bitterness out of your voice. It made no sense that he should be jumping all over himself for a guy that cut him loose like that months ago with no contact. It wasn't right. You undid the chain for him and stepped out of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there's the shitty cliffhanger OTL


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as the door was open Sollux looked lost, like he wasn't sure what was happening anymore. You stood leaning on the open door and studied the figure standing in the hall. 

Karkat Vantas was kind of short, but it might have just been his proportions that made him look smaller. He had big round black eyes and a round face, like a kid, but the bags under his eyes indicated he was older than his features told. There was black scruffy hair on his head, thick wiry strands of it that curled messily behind his ears. His skin was almost pale yellow, someone who naturally would have a dark skin color if he spent any time in the sun. He looked kind of like a poor man's punk, one without any money that lives out of cheap motels and spends a lot of time indoors.

“About fucking time. Who's this, your sugar daddy?” Karkat grumbled, looking you up and down while shifting up a heavy looking backpack on his shoulders.

“Did you go through all the trouble of finding me just to come insult me?” Sollux looked decidedly nonplussed, reaching out towards the door and grabbing it just above your hand, like he was thinking of slamming it.

“You can untwist your lacy yellow panties, even if by definition he probably is paying you somehow for sex.” Karkat rolled his eyes and you felt like slamming his head in the door.

“You've got about two seconds before I close this door on you.” Sollux threatened and it wasn't an idle threat, he was already pushing the door closed.

“Stop it, will you? Sorry I was an asshole, can I just come inside?” despite his apologies he stuck a sneaker in the doorjamb, leaning in like he might try to force his way inside if you didn't allow him in first.

“Why should I let you in? The first think you say to me when I haven't heard from you in fucking months, when I didn't know if you were dead or not, is an insult.” you could hear the anger on the surface of his voice, but beneath that the hurt. You knew firsthand how he worried about Karkat, the person who had once been his best friend.

“...I realized that I needed to say sorry to you, for being a shitty friend, and for a whole fuckton of other bullshit I've put you through. Can you just let me in so I can grovel in the privacy of your apartment, or is public humiliation necessary for you to accept my apologies?” he had an unfair pair of puppy dog eyes. Utterly unfair and even without the soul-scorching look you could see Karkat's words moving Sollux. The silence dragged on long enough that Karkat took a step back out of the door.

“You can tell me you were right about Gamzee? Just shove my face in the sick pile of shit that was that friendship; a debacle of epic proportion and will go down in history, then a movie will be made titled 'The story of Karkat's next biggest fuck up in life, second only to the way he treated his incredibly unlucky best friend in a time of need'.” this time you could see when Sollux chewed on his lower lip a strained smile.

Without a word Sollux eased the door open and you stepped out of the way, a few steps back towards the living room to let him open the door the rest of the way. Karkat visibly sagged with relief and shuffled in through the door, immediately dropping his backpack to the floor and looking up at Sollux. They had a few inches height difference, but it looked likely that Karkat weighed more than Sollux anyways. For a few tense seconds you thought they were going to hug, but Karkat just gave a heaving sigh and turned to inspect the rest of your apartment.

Sollux closed the door, but his shoulders were slumped so you took his hand and tugged him back to the sofa where he sat uncomfortably on the armrest. Karkat dragged his backpack along the carpet after you but stood, crossing his arms.

“I'm Dave by the way.” you gave him a wave instead of a handshake. It wasn't your idea to have him here, and at this point he wasn't exactly welcome in your books. Unless Sollux was drawn in to assholes you saw no reason why they were even friends.

“So I've heard. Karkat.” he didn't wave back. “Thanks for taking care of him I guess. Even though I kind of thought you'd stay in the apartment we had before?” he spoke with his eyebrows drawn down, like some angry caricature, but the way his eyes studied Sollux showed caring.

“How was I going to stay there? I couldn't pay rent.” Sollux shrugged, stiff.

“I kept paying it after I left, the apartment is still there. I didn't want to leave you nowhere to go.” Karkat's expression dropped the anger, showing blank surprise.

“How was that going to help? I still wouldn't be able to buy food. Besides, that place is such shit Gamzee could have broken in any time to finish me off.” 

“...He never wanted to kill you.” Karkat looked remorseful, but it was like a kid who didn't believe his own lie.

“Is that what he told you?” Sollux twisted his mouth into a joyless smirk, bitter.

“I'm not going to fight about this right now. If you want to believe that he wanted you dead then go ahead, I'm not going to stop you.” Karkat literally threw his hands in the air and let them fall back to his thighs with a slap.

“This isn't sounding much like an apology.” Sollux folded his fingers together in his lap, patient.

“I'm getting to that part!” Karkat shouted, loud enough that you were sure your neighbors heard. You could see Sollux's expression split a little, genuine amusement.

“Okay, fine. I'm sorry I dropped off the face of the planet, and I'm sorry Gamzee was a whole bucket of crazy, and I'm sorry I didn't stick around to help you deal with your own immeasurable pile of shit. Sorry I didn't listen to you when you told me Gamzee was genuinely a creep, so there you go say it. You get to say that you told me so!” he waved his arms like Sollux could see him waiting for it.

“I told you-”

“Yes right you fucking said it first you psychic asshole shit for brains!” even though Karkat asked for it he screamed back like he hadn't been asking for it.

“And if I had listened to you my life would only be half this much of a catastrophic nightmare, so thanks for trying to pound through my thick melon of a skull before the shit hit the fan and sprayed little pieces all over everyone I ever cared about. But I didn't listen and it did and now I'm left to clean up the gloppy excrement covered ruins.” he had to stop and take a deep breath. “Did you know Eridan's dead?”

You were kind of in awe. Sollux could be a little crazy sometimes, switching from laughing to asleep at the drop of a hat, but you hadn't seen a real living human train wreck until now. It was mesmerizing to hear someone push that many words out of their mouth with such vigor and pace. It was like poetry, angry poetry.

“If I didn't already know, was that seriously how you were going to tell me?” Sollux sighed, covering his face with one hand.

“Yeah well, do you know who killed him?” he finally sat on the coffee table, shoving a few glasses out of the way.

“No? I mean the cops have asked me, but how should I know?” Sollux shrugged.

“It was Kanaya.” 

“What? How do you know that?” Sollux sat up straight, focusing on Karkat.

“She asked me to help her get some new identity stuff, just easy pulling dead chick identities from a database. She said she needed to disappear so that's why I came back to town last week, to help her out.”

“You're helping her get away with that shit?” Sollux was in disbelief, frowning.

“Yeah? I mean what was I supposed to do, let her hang for it?” Karkat shrugged, like it really wasn't a big deal.

“Yes! She murdered someone!” Sollux was on his feet, reaching out and getting a hold of Karkat's arm.

“She murdered a murderer Sollux. He was the one that was responsible for killing Fef, and ruining the rest of your life. If he'd had his way you would be the one dead and no one would even know it wasn't an accident!” he was intense before he took another deep breath and deflated. “I'm just trying to keep my friends alive.” 

Sollux swallowed hard, letting go of his friend.

“You won't tell the cops, will you?” Karkat reached up to Sollux but stopped at the last minute, pulling his arm back. Sollux hesitated.

“I won't tell, but I don't agree with it.”

“What about you?” Karkat finally looked up at you, appraising whether you were trustworthy or not.

“It's none of my business, not my place to tell anyone.” you shrugged. This all seemed like some pretty heavy shit, and if you were being honest you were really feeling like a third wheel.

You absconded under the pretense of going to the neighborhood store to get some food, leaving them alone together in your apartment. You took your time walking and went around the block and extra time on the way back before going back upstairs. Part of you wished that Karkat would be gone when you got back, but you had no such luck.

Instead of him being gone, you found them both having fun. Karkat was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table pulling apart pieces of Sollux's piece of shit laptop and checking them, while Sollux sat next to him with a rather huge looking laptop. It was an old yellowed gray case that looked like it weighed as much as a cinder block.

“Yeah, we were actually all classmates in kindergarten with her. I didn't realize it until I was looking through her school records.” Karkat was focused on delicately pulling apart computer parts and arranging them on the coffee table.

“What was the name again?” Sollux was idly feeling at the keyboard of Karkat's computer.

“Terezi Pyrope. I thought she sounded really familiar when I first heard the name, but then I figured I'd remember knowing a blind girl. Turns out she was blinded in an accident a few years back, but they let her keep her detective job after she threatened to sue them for discrimination.”

“Hey Dave.” Sollux waved to the front door, folding his legs to make room for you on the couch.

“I'm not Dave, I'm a very calm burglar with a key.” you headed for the kitchen and dropped off the bag of random and useless drugstore candy that had caught your eyes.

“Great, I'll tell you where he keeps the valuables.” Sollux smiled and you were glad to see it. There was a distant fear in the pit of your stomach that you were going to come back and he was going to be in some state of distress.

Before you could respond Karkat made a loud cross between a scoff and a gag, drawing both your attentions. He didn't seem to realize he'd even done it until he noticed both of you giving him looks.

“Quit being all cute together, it's weird and unnatural.” Karkat made a dismissive gesture at Sollux but it was lost on him.

“Jealous?” Sollux teased.

“No!” Karkat roared, hitting his knees against the table and all the parts jumped.

Later Karkat paid for pizza delivery, stating that he owed you a debt that could only be paid in pizza, and gave you a IM address to reach him at on one of those free business cards. They really did hug when Karkat packed up his computer and headed for the door. He said he was staying at their same old shitty apartment, and you wished him luck with whatever primitive beings he was going to find living in the fridge after leaving food in there for that long.

Sollux stood by the door for a long time after Karkat left, leaning against it and listening to you surfing the TV channels.

“I know you don't think he's a very good guy.” he was quiet but neutral.

“Yeah, but he's not my friend. If you want forgive him I'm not going to stop you.”

“He said he left Gamzee behind for good.” he pushed off the door and shuffle walked over to you on the couch.

“Good for him, guy sounds like a real wacko.” you didn't reach out for him, but it was hard. You weren't sure why you were feeling upset with him.

Sollux sat next to you and held one of your hands in his lap while you watched the last half of some shitty hallmark movie.

“Did he by any chance say where Gamzee is now?” you couldn't help but ask, it was a concern that preyed on your mind often.

“Nah, he said the last time he was with him was somewhere in North Dakota, but that was where they split up.” he leaned his shoulder up against yours.

“Were they...?” you trailed off, trying to suggest it without saying anything.

“What?”

“Together?” you tapped your fingertips together but he couldn't see it so you stopped.

“...You mean like a couple?”

“Yeah, I guess.” you shrugged and his shoulder rubbed against yours.

“No! Not even Karkat's that stupid, at least I don't think.” you could see him thinking about it though.

“Just wondering.”

\---

“I thought you said Rose was your sister?” Sollux scratched his hair, sitting on the kitchen table while you got dinner together.

“Yeah?”

“But didn't your brother raise you alone? And her last name was Lalonde.” he nearly knocked over one of the chairs while moving it with his feet.

“That is a good point. She's actually my half sister, we had different moms. Her mom raised her alone, then my mom and our dad died, leaving me and my bro. So we had the same father, but in my understanding Rose was an 'accident' with 'the other woman'. I didn't actually know Rose existed until I was in high school.” you wiped your hands off and left the stove alone, standing next to him and touching his arm.

“Weird, you seem really close though.” he took your arm and pulled it over his shoulder.

“Yeah, we're a lot alike even if we didn't grow up together. We look just like each other too.” you leaned into him easily.

“What does she look like?” he moved his legs so you could lean against the table.

“Kind of short blond hair, wears a lot of black dresses. She has this black lipstick that gets all over everything she eats, but she wears it all the time.” you traced a finger along his neck to about where Rose's hair would have stopped and watched goosebumps rise on his skin.

“She's pretty though?” he brought a hand up and rubbed the side of his neck where you'd touched.

“Yeah, but small tits. I gotta finish dinner before I fuck it up again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay! I've been having problems with tendonitis so typing for long periods is difficult for me :(
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has commented and added kudos in the meantime though, every time I get one of those emails it reminds me to work hard OTL


	5. Chapter 5

The heat of summer kicked up and things got rough. The AC bills were higher than you could strictly afford, and you were in a lull for finding jobs right now. Halfway through the month you had to turn the AC off when you foresaw a coming problem. Rent and utilities were due at the same time, and you always got more jobs at the beginning of the month. So when halfway through the month you still weren't getting jobs, it didn't bode well.

You quietly mentioned it to Sollux, when you turned the thermostat from 'AC' to 'fan' that the bill was going to be pretty high so you were going to turn it off for a while. You didn't want him to have to be the one to bring it up.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, unfolding his legs off the couch.

“Yeah, just going to be a little short on cash this month.” you brushed a hand against his knee on the way past and his head swiveled to follow your movements.

He took a breath like he wanted to say something, but ended up letting out a long slow breath. 

You both left it at that until ten days later, when you still hadn't gotten any new jobs, and the rent was due in four days. Without AC the apartment was almost unbearably hot, and most of the time you ended up staying in boxers and a t shirt. Sollux never asked about turning it back on though, he barely even complained unless you wanted to hold his hand. You probably had about an extra week of wiggle room paying before they enforced eviction, but you couldn't reliably count on that.

He was laying on his stomach in bed while you folded laundry You were separating his clothes and putting them away how you knew he could find them. You picked up one shirt and it took you a few seconds of thinking to figure out if it was his shirt or yours, since you could picture him wearing it, but sometime he picked yours up by accident.

You could catch a few harsh syllables through his headphones, his computer relaying information to him. He explained it to you one day, when you asked him what he was always doing on his computer, that he had it set up so it would read to him. About half the time it could reliably be assumed he was chatting with Karkat. Something about their friendship worked better through text.

“It's almost the end of the month, right?” he asked, quickly clacking something on the keys next to him.

“Yup, it'll be July next Monday.” you were halfheartedly matching socks, folding them together. Not that it mattered if Sollux's socks matched, but it would bother you if they didn't.

“Is everything going to be okay? I mean like... you haven't had a job in a while.” he rubbed his feet together, curling his toes in the way he did sometimes when he was uncomfortable.

“...” you stayed silent for a long time, trying to think if you should tell him the truth, or just deny it. It wasn't like he needed the burden weighing him down too.

“So that's a no?” he sighed, folding his laptop shut and pulling out his ear buds.

“Nah, I guess not. I'm gonna be a little short on rent this month.” you let the air rush out of you in a big whoosh and sat on the edge of the bed. One of your piles of carefully folded shirts fell off the edge and onto the floor.

“How short?” he reached a foot out and poked you in the thigh.

“... I guess probably like two or three hundred bucks.” you tried to keep your voice normal, but it came out quiet. It was hard admitting that you were failing at being an adult.

Sollux sat up and you felt his fingertips collide with your back, just below your shoulder blades. He hauled you back a little by your shoulders and scooted forward until he could rest his chin on one of your shoulders, letting an arm hang over your other shoulder while the other found one of your hands. His hand was a little clammy, and so was yours, but you'd both grown pretty used to sticking to each other at this point.

“What are we going to do?” he was quiet, and sounded like he was trying to be reasonable when he was actually a little scared.

“I'll figure something out I guess.” you tried not to sound bitter. But you'd already been eying your enlarger and the TV. If you put a few other things together and brought them to the pawn shop you could probably scrape together enough. It's not like it would be the first time, but it wasn't your favorite pastime.

“Can I help somehow?” his fingers were hot against your palm.

“Nah.” it was a nice thought, but in vain. You'd thought at length about what kind of a job he could have, but nothing ever came to mind.

“Well. If you wanted, I could get some help from Karkat, and we could like... skim a few accounts?” he trailed off on the last few words.

“...What?” you felt the cogs in your brain stick for a second.

“You know, just take a little out of a few accounts, ones big enough nobody would notice if a little went missing?” he said it like the thought didn't bother him in the least.

You lifted his arm off your shoulder and turned to look at him. Part of your brain was having trouble figuring out that he was talking about stealing. In your head Sollux was a good guy, not some weird hacker with loose morals.

“You mean steal money?” you finally found words.

“Well, yeah, but it's money nobody would even know was gone.” he shrugged like it was nothing.

“No, I mean- no. No fucking stealing.” you didn't want to be the one all stuck up about stealing, but you'd never done it before, and you didn't plan to start.

“Sorry, Jesus. I was just saying it was an option.” he backed off, leaning back on his hands.

“Yeah well, you're not doing that.” you stood up and started collecting and refolding the shirts that had fallen off the side of the bed.

“Well excuse me. Sorry for suggesting the only fucking thing I can do to get money.” he folded his legs.

“When did you do that anyways?” you shoved his shirts into his drawer, but they were messy and you ended up arranging them more neatly despite your annoyance.

“Not a lot, it's too risky to do unless I really need to, but I've had to do it a few times before. Believe it or not being poor your whole goddamn life you have to dig in the mud sometimes.” now he sounded annoyed back, and you were going to have to backtrack before this turned into an argument.

“It's not like I've ever been rich Sol, but I've never done anything illegal. I always got by just fine by not being a criminal.” you tried saying it softly, like you weren't arguing, but it was too hard not to sound grumpy.

“Well good for fucking you. Clearly you've never lived in a bus station.” he didn't sound angry, more like a teenager arguing with a parent.

“... Did you seriously live in a bus station or are you just shitting with me?” it made you stop with the laundry, watching him to see his expression.

“Yeah, I really did. No family, remember?” a dismissive shrug.

“How did you live in a bus station?” it made you wonder the logistics of it. In your head you imagined an abandoned bench somewhere under a roof.

“Maybe I'll tell you sometime when you're not typecasting me as some lowlife thief.” he minutely raised his brows and twisted his lips.

“Sorry, you're right. I just, you surprised me. I never thought of shit like that.”

“So I won't bring it up again.” he shrugged, neutral but still slightly annoyed.

You finished folding the laundry, and although your shoulders didn't feel as weighed down, they still felt sore. Maybe you were a little more stressed out about this than you wanted to admit.

You both ate ramen for dinner, and you were really getting sick of the taste. Once you got a job you were so going to splurge for a pizza. Sollux ended up with you on the couch, his head resting in your lap while you watched reruns of Mythbusters on TV.

“Can I have your phone for a minute?” he reached up to pat around at your pocket, but you had left it on the armrest.

“Yup.” you pushed your beat to shit iPhone into his hand. It was John's old phone, and he'd given it to you when he'd cracked the screen. His dad just bought him a newer one and John mailed you the broken one. It still worked just fine, and you could see through the cracks, it just wasn't pretty. If you hadn't been gifted this one, you'd still be on the generic regular phone. You still couldn't afford a data plan for it, but needed it for scheduling and getting jobs.

Sollux held it in one hand and poked around the screen with the other. You had it set to accessibility mode, so it quietly said all the options out loud for him when his finger ran over them. He didn't have his own phone, so you shared yours with him when he needed it. Karkat was known to send the occasional text, but it could be for either of you. Sometimes you liked talking to him, even if he could be a little aggravating in large doses.

“Call Rose.” he spoke into the phone, and it dialed for him. It was on speaker phone, and you could hear it ringing.

“Why are you calling Rose?” you muted the TV.

“I wanted to ask her something.” he shrugged a little, resting the phone on the plane of his chest.

“Hello Dave.” Rose's voice crackled through the speaker after three rings.

“Hey Rose, Sol's here too.” you spoke up a little, to be sure the phone heard you.

“Oh, hello as well Sollux.” she was as cordial as ever.

“Hey Rose, I was wondering if you could lend us a little money for rent this month?” he said plainly, and the words made your chest seize up with something like panic. You couldn't choke up words, and you jerked your arm out to hit the 'end call' button, but fumbled and the phone slipped off his chest and onto the floor. The call ended.

“Woah, what?” he sat up and reached for the phone off the side of the couch, but you got to it first and stood.

“What the fuck Sol?” in your head you asked in a perfectly reasonable voice, but to your ears you were shouting.

“Uh...? I thought maybe Rose could help out, don't they have money they could lend you?” he raised his voice to compete with yours, twisting on the couch to face towards you.

“Why would you do that!” you knew that they probably had more than enough saved up to send you a few hundred bucks, but you never wanted to ask.

Before he had a chance to respond your phone started ringing again. It was Rose.

“Will you just answer the phone?” he sighed.

“No, because it's just going to be about money now. And I'm so not talking to her about that shit.” you silenced your phone before shutting it off.

“She's your family, isn't she? Why can't you ask your family for help?” 

“Just because you don't have a family don't make me ruin my relationship with mine.” halfway through saying the words you knew you were wrong, but they wouldn't stop coming. There was some fire igniting in your chest that couldn't be stopped. He was silent for a long few seconds, and you could practically watch him swallow the insult, burning on the way down.

“Then I'll ask her to lend it to me, you don't even have to be involved. So give me the phone.” he stood and stumbled over the flip flops you'd left next to the couch, reaching towards you.

“No.” you reached up and quietly placed the phone on top of the TV. He was unlikely to find it there on his own.

“Why not? I'm just trying to help.” he got a hold of your forearm but you were already on the way to the kitchen.

“Well stop helping! I never asked for your help.” you twisted your arm out of his grip but he kept following you.

“So what am I supposed to do here Dave? I already feel useless on a day to fucking day basis, and as soon as I try to do one thing to help you won't let me?” he kept getting his fingertips in the back of your shirt, but you twisted away before he could get a good hold.

“I can figure it out on my own, I don't need your help.”

“So what's my job in this situation? Just help you cart shit out when rent goes unpaid, or am I not allowed to help then either?” he finally had you cornered in the kitchen, and you were ready to start chasing each other around the kitchen table until he knocked one of the chairs over on the way past. You tried stepping over it but he caught your arm and started patting down your pockets.

“Just give me the phone! I don't get why you're being such an asshole about this.” he was still trying to figure out which of your pockets you had your phone in, and you were trying to push him off.

What started as mostly him reaching for your pockets, turned into more of a bitch fight. You slapped at his hands, but every time you had to you could feel some part of you swelling up. Your arms were tingling and your face was hot.

“Get off!” you finally snapped and swung at him.

Everything felt like it was moving twice as fast as normal, ever time you blinked you missed seconds of time. Your hit didn't connect with him very well, but it was enough to push him back and trip over the fallen chair and fall against the window. You remember hearing the sound of a window pane breaking, but you were already on your way to grab the phone off the top of the TV, keys by the door, and you were out in the hall.

Your face was burning and your arm felt sore when it had collided with him. The hot air outside of the building was stifling, and you felt like there was a wool scarf wrapped around your neck. You were already sweating as soon as you feet hit the sidewalk and you practically jogged away from the building. In your head you were trying to get the pace of your heart to slow down, but you couldn't get your feet to slow down first.

It wasn't until the street lights were on and the sky was completely black that you thought about how long you'd been gone. You had been jogging circles around the park, and your shirt was soaked with sweat, sticking to your back and gut. You felt like you were sunburned on your head and shoulders, but it was just the heat.

You reluctantly turned your phone on just to check the time, almost midnight. Had you just run through a time warp? How had you really been gone that long? There were two missed calls, both from Rose. Nothing from Karkat, so it was likely Sollux hadn't said anything to him yet.

There was a stab of guilt in your side, that may or may not have just been a cramp, and you sat on the ground. It was a dusty path in the park and you were definitely going to be covered in it, but you didn't remember the last time your legs felt so flimsy. Rose hadn't left any messages, and you were just checking the time stamps when your phone started to ring again. It was Rose, and you thought about not picking up.

“Hey Rose.”

“Hello Dave, is everything alright?” she sounded calm, but curious. Just hearing someone who was calm made you realize how far into overdrive you still were.

“Yeah, I mean... not really, but yeah.” you took a deep breath and it was like a rush of water over your head.

“What happened earlier?” you could practically hear her sipping on her tea right now.

“A fight I guess.”

“At the risk of you hanging up again, do you need me to send a check? Just yes or no will do.” she sounded a little clipped, like she was going to send you a lengthy lecture through the mail if you didn't comply.

“...Can we come back to that at the end of this conversation? I need to think about it.” your breathing was normal, but your heart was still beating fast.

“Yes, we can do that. Where is Sollux?” she was leading you through this conversation like a kid.

“At the apartment still.” you leaned back on one hand and looked up, trying to find some stars.

“And where are you?”

“Outside, somewhere.” you couldn't see any stars, the lights of the city were too bright.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. I was kind of afraid I was going to hurt him or something if he kept coming at me. I really didn't like it.” you heard a car alarm go off a few blocks away, steady and haunting when it was too quiet before.

“He was coming at you how?” she sounded worried.

“He was trying to get the phone to call you back.” you wiped your hair out of your forehead, but found it gross and sticky with sweat.

“Why didn't you just give it to him?” she tried not to make it sounds like a stupid question.

“He wanted to call you back and ask again.”

“And why did you have to stop him?”

“Because-!” you started with deep conviction, but when it came to vocalizing an argument nothing came. There were no words, just a feeling in your gut that you couldn't place.

“I see.” she hummed.

“Don't psych at me right now, I'm so not in the mood.”

“Do you want me to give you my thoughts, or just skip the end and ask if you want a check in the mail?”

“Fuck, gimme your thoughts.” you were dreading the end of this phone call, partially because it meant you were going to have to go home.

“From my perspective your unwillingness to ask for a loan is strange. You know that I'm your sister, and not only have the means to help you, but the desire. When you don't ask for help, that I can understand that as a matter of pride, but for you to react so strongly after I was told you needed help is interesting.” she was rambling, but in her own way that meant she found someone a fascinating human specimen.

“So is my case going in the next medical journal or what?”

“Unlikely. I think you need to weight your personal pride in the matter, as well as this deep seated anger you seem to hide underneath it. If you were actually worried about hurting someone over this, especially your significant other, you need to work on not being a danger to anyone. Tell me Dave, were you angry that I knew your financial problems, or angry that Sollux had told me?” you imagined her sitting in front of you, her fingers in a steeple.

“At Sollux, I guess?”

“That's more difficult then, since it's not as easy as defense against embarrassment. Why specifically were you angry at him?”

“Jesus, I don't know Rose.” you wanted to tell her that you shoved him, wanted to feel bad about it at all right now. You tested the precise wording you would use to say it, but lost the nerve.

“Then that's what you need to think about on your own. Once you figure it out, I can help you work through it, but I can't tell you something that even you don't know.”

“Yeah... I know, thanks anyways Rose.” your arm was stiffening up behind you so you sat forward, but the heat radiating from your legs made you feel like you were over an open steam grate.

“Do you have anything else to ask, or do you have an answer to my earlier question?”

“About a loan?” you groaned.

“Yes. If you need a loan I am here Dave. How much are you missing from rent?” she sounded more like a mother hen than a sister.

“Probably around three hundred.”

“How about this, I will send you check. If you choose to cash it, then that's what it's there for. If you choose to tear it up, that is also what it is there for.” she sounded very carefully kind.

“Thanks Rose.” you felt the mortification of your sister sending you money rise like bile in your throat. Or maybe that was just you on the verge of crying.

“It's what I'm here for Dave. I know you would do the same for me.” she sounded warm, which was rare for her. 

“I'll talk to you later, okay? I need to go home and figure out what's left of my relationship.” you wiped a hand over your face and it burned, scratchy dried sweat scraping across your cheeks.

“Good night Dave, and good luck.”

You dragged your feet on the way back, mostly because your whole body was tired. Apparently jogging in some sort of a fugue state could do that to you. The halls were dimmed with half the lights off when you shuffled down the hall, and the keys sounded like a choir of clangs.

When you swung the door open it was dark in the apartment except for the kitchen light. You wandered to it but it was empty, and all the chairs were back in place. You almost turned to leave before you noticed the window. Like it was days ago your memory of what happened earlier was foggy, but you could recall the sound of glass breaking. In your head it was just some cartoon noise your brain superimposed against a ridiculous scene, but there was duct tape covering a broken pane in the window, a few small specks of glass in the corner next to it.

You thought you might throw up when you first spotted blood drops on the carpet. You'd walked right past them on the way inside, but it was too dark for you to really see outside the kitchen. Until then you'd felt no real remorse for shoving him, but knowing you'd actually injured him hurt you somewhere deep inside your gut. Closer inspection showed that they were smeared through just about the whole apartment, and when you made it to the bathroom and turned on the lights you lost your breath for a minute.

“Sollux! Sol!” you called, finding energy in your sore limbs to rush to the slightly ajar bedroom.

The lights were out, but Sollux was curled up on his side of the bed, still. Before you had a sane and decent thought of letting him sleep you turned all the lights on and shook him awake. Much to your relief he sighed and blinked open his blank eyes.

“Sol? Are you okay?” you pulled the blankets off him and spotted the bandage around his elbow. It was stained a slowly darkening red, soaked and leaking through to the sheets.

“When did you get back?” he mumbled quietly, reaching his good arm up to rub at his eyes.

“Just now, come on, come to the bathroom you're bleeding.” you tried to be gentle in dragging him out of bed and shuffling towards the bathroom. He didn't want to get up, but did anyways when you clearly weren't going to let up, and he didn't have the place of mind to argue.

“It's fine, almost done bleeding.” he sat on the edge of the toilet with his arm propped up on the edge of the sink for you to inspect. 

The bathroom looked like he'd tried to clean up after himself, but you could only imagine how hard it would be if you couldn't see what you were cleaning. Just about every surface had a smear of at least a little blood. It looked like he'd wiped everything down, but instead of soaking up the mess he just ended up spreading it. There were a few dried drips down the outside of the sink, still sticky at the bottom where it pooled in droplets. The drips on the floor were tacky and you tossed a towel over them.

“It's been fucking hours though...” you carefully peeled off the makeshift bandages he'd applied himself. They were paper towels and duct tape, the same used to tape up the window. He probably couldn't find the actual bandages, they were in a box above the medicine cabinet, and everything was packaged in foil, he wouldn't have been able to tell anything apart even if he'd found the box.

You tried your best not to pull his skin when removing the duct tape, in truth it wasn't sticking that well anyways. Underneath it wasn't bruised or black, just clean but jagged red slices on his pale skin. There were a few small pink pricks and two longer gashes. It was worst just above his elbow, a long red cut on the inside of his upper arm in the soft fleshy area. The cut was deep, and when you picked up his arm a little to get a better look it the long one gaped open in a way that made goosebumps rise all down your back. A fresh rivulet of blood trickled out and down the sink.

“Okay, lets go to the hospital.” you had to speak around a lump in your throat.

“It's been too long, they won't do anything.” he yawned, like none of this mattered. You guess it was easy to him not to freak out when he couldn't even see it.

“Doesn't it hurt? And fuck you we're going, you need stitches.” you knelt in front of him and tried to get a hold of his other arm to wrangle him back to his feet, but he wasn't cooperating.

“Nah, not bad. And I guarantee you they'd toss us out of the hospital, I'm so not bleeding to death right now.” he reached his free hand over and swiped at the drop of blood hanging off his elbow.

“Can we just go back to sleep?” he yawned again, jaw cracking, and leaned against the sink.

You were torn. Just a few hours ago you'd been ready to toss him out the window, but now you just wanted to bundle him in blankets and carry him to the hospital. It was giving you terrible emotional whiplash, you didn't know how he dealt with his mood swings if they were anything like this.

“Come on Dave, lets just sleep.” he wiped his bloody fingers on his pajama pants and reached out, getting a hold of your shoulder.

It was like the touch turned up gravity, and you were fighting to stay upright suddenly. Even though you were unsure of the choice to stay, you were tired too. You cleaned up his arm and the worst of the blood in the sink. You properly bandaged up his arm, covering it enough that it shouldn't bleed through onto the sheets any more.

He let you haul him to his feet and you leaned on each other for support to shuffling down the hall, back to the bedroom. You got all the lights while he tumbled back into bed, carefully arranging himself on his side so his arm was untouched. It stopped you when he curled up next to your spot on the bed, pulling the blankets down so you could get in next to him.

“Dave?” he called quietly, and it pulled you from your reverie. 

“Yeah, coming.” you tossed off your still damp clothes, kicking them under the night stand so they wouldn't be in the way in the morning. 

Your sore legs pounded when you laid into bed next to him, and the blankets felt stifling in the already overly warm apartment. It was still hot with no AC, and you were burning up on the inside while your skin was chilled.

“Rose is sending a check.” you blurted out the second it crossed your mind.

“Hm.” he hummed ambiguously, you weren't sure if he was just responding to hearing you say something or what you'd actually said.

“Sorry.” you choked halfway through the word and coughed, jerking and making him lift his arm off you for a moment before resettling.

“Mm.” he hummed again, making you turn a little to try and see his face in the dark, but you couldn't.

“Are you mad?”

“Tired.” his voice was a whisper, and he spread his fingers and patted the center of your chest definitively.

You let it go. It meant you barely slept for the rest of the night, constantly flicking the lights on and checking that he wasn't bleeding to death through the bandage, but you let it go.


	6. Chapter 6

You woke up exceptionally early the next morning and couldn't get back to sleep. The sky was just starting to lighten, and Sollux was still sound asleep next to you. It took you almost an hour to decide that you really weren't able to get back to sleep before you slipped out of bed and began cleaning the apartment.

You were going to have to get a new pane of glass at the hardware store to fix the window, but the little drips of blood all over the place were in your power to fix immediately. The carpet could only get so clean now that everything was dried, but after some bleach in the bathroom it was probably cleaner than it had ever been by the time you were finished. You surprised yourself with a lack of squeamishness cleaning up the blood, but knowing that it came from Sollux helped alleviate some doubts.

By the time you were certain that no glass shards were left on the floor anywhere you were starting to feel tired again. Your sleep, or lack thereof, was catching up with you particularly early after the cleaning spree. After a change into a clean undershirt to rid yourself of the bleach smell you shuffled back into the bedroom, finding Sollux half slumped over your side of the bed but still very much asleep.

If his arm was terribly painful, he didn't show it. It was stretched over your pillow, half the bandage that you had put on him late last night flapping open. You couldn't see any of the cuts from where you were, they were pretty well hidden on the inside of his arm, but there didn't appear to be active bleeding anymore since he wasn't getting it everywhere.

You had to debate going and lying down on the couch instead of potentially disturbing him, but it was your bed dammit and you were going to use it. Getting him back towards his half of the bed involved lifting and shoving Sollux a few inches back towards his side, but he only granted you a sigh and a limp arm over your chest. Almost as soon as you closed your eyes you were dozing, and what felt like five minutes later your phone woke you up with a slew of consecutive text messages. Almost two hours had apparently passed, if the bedside clock was to be believed.

You reached over to silence your phone on the sixth message, but the damage was done, you were both awake. 

“That sounds like KK.” Sollux mumbled after a long yawn.

“Huh?” you couldn't reach your phone without entirely dislodging him, but it had stopped for the moment.

“Karkat. He goes rapid fire like that.” he stretched out and you caught the grimace when the bandage that was coming off his arm stuck to your shirt and pulled on his arm.

“How you feeling?” you carefully peeled the tape off and he hissed desperately 'don't pull...' until it was pulled free, and you dropped it off the side of the bed.

“Thirsty.” he muttered, sinking into his pillow.

“I meant your arm.”

“What do you expect? It's ok, just don't touch it.” he sounded grumpy, but that was pretty standard for the first hour after he woke up.

You took his elbow and lifted his arm carefully. It didn't look a whole lot different from last night, maybe a little less swollen and the scabs were dark, but not a horror show. Your memory of it was worse than the reality. 

“Is it gross or something?” he stifled another yawn but didn't try to take his arm back.

“If it was much worse I'd ask if I could keep the arm after it falls off.” you joked, but it was only because otherwise you would be bitching.

“Fuck you, it's not that bad.” he reached his other hand up and went to touch it but you caught his fingers before he could.

“Don't go poking at it!” 

“It's my arm I can poke it as much as I want.” 

Much to your dismay you were unable to stop him, since it was impossible to keep someone away from their own arm for very long. When you came back from the bathroom he was sitting up and had his finger hovering above his scabs, only just brushing the outlines.

“You know I'm really sorry, right?” you stood at the foot of the bed for a long time, irrationally worried that he was going to scream and fight you about it.

“That's one way to skirt around a real apology.” he gave a small snort, lifting his head and letting his arm be.

“Shit Sol-”

“I'm just fucking with you, it's fine Dave.” he was smiling, but somehow you just weren't in the mood.

“You're mean.” you had a few other choice words you'd like to say, but it wasn't the right time, when you were trying to half apologize. 

“Get over here.” he reached his undamaged arm towards you and you shuffled on your knees across the mattress towards him. As soon as you were in his reach he hooked his good arm around your neck and bullied you down to the bed.

“You seriously overestimate my ability to care about stupid shit.”

You were ready to argue about his lack of self preservation, but he smothered you with a pillow and absconded to the kitchen before you could bring it up.

\---

The check Rose sent you arrived with a catch, one that she hadn't informed you of until it was already cashed and half of it handed in for rent. She undoubtedly planned it that way from the beginning.

She informed you that she had booked you for a photography show in a little gallery that used to be an alley between two buildings. It didn't sound appealing, but she emailed you the contract and the email specified: “Please sign in blood, and return to the address listed before the 5th -Rose Lalonde”

A phone call later revealed that she was only joking about it having to be signed in blood, but the contract was a real one. Your first feeling was panic, followed closely by anger and denial. Rose insisted that it was going to be good for you, and if you hated it then you never had to do it again after this. You came around a little when she pointed out that this wasn't just to make you suffer, but that it was a money making opportunity. You could make some money off the prints that were currently taking up space in boxes under your bed. She had even sent you a little extra money to buy frames, insisting that it was a investment loan, and if it made you feel better she calculated the exact interest she would be expecting back.

You were still in shell shock mode when you wandered back in to the apartment, and your silence apparently spoke volumes to Sollux.

“What happened?” he sounded like he knew exactly what you were going to say already, but didn't lift his concentration from the array of half destroyed computer parts on the coffee table. 

Karkat had been over earlier to drop off a trash bag full of laptops in various states of destruction, and Sollux had been sifting through the wreckage since. After watching him disassemble a few of them you couldn't keep your questions to yourself anymore, but thankfully Sollux was willing to talk about it. Apparently one of the ways the two of them used to make a little extra money was picking up broken computers that were being thrown out, and taking apart pieces to either sell online or build little franken-rigs. Sometimes he would ask you to read him the label numbers or brand, but otherwise he seemed to know exactly what he was doing.

“Rose just fucked me.” you tried to say it like a joke, but it came out more traumatized than anything.

“The usual mind fuck or should I be worried?” he didn't sound worried at your tone.

“She's making me do the stupid starving artist thing and put some photos up in a gallery.” you sat in the free space left on the couch next to him.

“That's cool.” it sounded like an auto response, as though he hadn't really been listening. A spouse that has to listen to your problems at the end of the day.

“Not cool, now I'm going to have to dress up and schmooze with assholes and talk about art.” you wanted to be angry, but it was sounding more like petulant baby.

“Are they assholes that have money to buy your shit?”

“...” oh no, he was going to point out that you were a whiny baby.

“Sounds like easy money to me, Rose did you a favor.”

“You're supposed to side with me you dick.” you picked up a piece of scrap plastic and almost threw it at him before thinking better of it.

“I can side with you if you want.” he said easily, and honestly it caught you off guard. You were expecting ribbing and abuse until you were forced to concede reason.

He arranged two pieces into their respective piles on the table before turning to give you his full attention. You hadn't been prepared for genuine caring from him, and it was shocking you into reality.

“I guess I just want to complain.”

“Okay.” he accepted that, taking one of your hands in his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! It has been forever... I've been really busy working on my own projects and business, so writing hasn't been at the top of my to do list ^^; With the holidays I've had some much needed free time, and this story has been bouncing around in my head lately again!
> 
> So I do have a little more written past this, but it's unedited and hopefully I'll have even more soon too!


	7. Chapter 7

Time dragged until two days before the show, and you somehow managed to throw everything together at the last minute. Thankfully all you really had to do was frame, price, hang, then show up. At Rose's insistence you added an extra zero to the end of all the prices, it made you feel a little bit sick to do so but if it was a bomb she could be blamed.

You safety pinned Sollux into the too big shitty used suit he had worn to John and Rose's wedding, only managing to stab yourself three times in the process. He politely let you freak out when you realized you were ready to go and it was still two hours before it opened. He held your hand on the way to the bus stop and didn't let you talk shit to yourself while waiting.

The owner of the building let you both in early when you arrived, and you were able to breathe a sigh of relief when none of your carefully selected photos had fallen off the walls. It was a pretty small space with bare brick walls, but deep and bright space. Rose had arranged for free wine and food to be served, which she had explained was all part of the investment, and the refreshment table was still being set up while you paced the walls.

Sollux just stayed by the door with his arms folded and his sunglasses on, waiting for you to work out some of the jitters. For something that you hadn't wanted to do a week ago, it seemed like your nerves were working overtime anyways. No matter how many times you listed off the reasons why this didn't matter to you, it didn't help settle your stomach. Some part of you apparently cared deeply about all of this.

With your obsessive checking of the order of your photos you actually missed the opening. It wasn't until you found someone you didn't know standing next to you, studying the photo you were checking for dust, that you found people filing in the door. A few of them seemed to be headed straight for the wine table, which honestly worried you less than the ones heading for your photos. Your heart stopped for a second, and sweat prickled at your pores. You made a beeline for Sollux, who was hiding in a dark corner looking unimpressed.

“Holy shit.” you stage whispered upon approaching him, wedging yourself behind him like you could hide.

“What?” he sounded mildly irritated, but it was probably just boredom. He twisted but you kept him from turning towards you with a hand on his shoulder.

“There's a lot of people here already.” this time you really did whisper.

“Are you freaking out?” he reached a hand behind his back and you took it in one of yours. You didn't need to say anything back, just squeezed his knuckles until he told you to let up because you were hurting him.

You spent what felt like hours watching people file in and spread through the space, but in whenever you checked your watch a minute at a time had passed. Thankfully nobody seemed to want to bother the fully grown man hiding behind the guy in the sunglasses (inside) and ill fitting suit. 

When you noticed someone writing a check to the attendant at the front you swelled up. You could practically feel your ego being stroked; you weren't above admitting that praise had a tendency to go to your head. You had been too afraid to venture out and mingle until that point, but the fact that someone was actually buying one of your photos did a lot to bolster confidence.

After two hastily chugged glasses of wine you were feeling pretty good about everything, including the incessant schmoozing. It actually wasn't that bad, unless people started asking about 'deeper meaning' in which case the easiest course was to ask 'well tell me what you think' and shuffle away at your earliest convenience. The next time you checked your watch it was almost midnight and you couldn't believe it. Apparently you were actually enjoying this, to a certain degree, since time was passing quicker than you could check.

It was all going to well, until your chest seized up a little when your eyes landed on Sollux. He was in the corner still, but an older guy was talking to him and smiling. It was just gut reaction of possessiveness over your boyfriend, then it was gone. It was almost ten minutes later that you were able to extricate yourself from your current conversation and find him. He was on his own, leaning against the wall and looking tired.

“Who were you talking to?” you tried to sound politely interested, not overbearing and selfish.

“I dunno, some guy.” he shrugged.

Since you couldn't think of anything else to prod him about the two of you lapsed into silence and eventually you left him alone again. The next time you caught sight of Sollux he was visible outside the floor to ceiling windows along the front of the gallery. He was smoking a cigarette with the same guy from before, pretentious older salt and pepper guy. Not that Sollux had any idea what the guy looked like. Sollux didn't look particularly thrilled by the conversation, but you'd known him to bum cigarettes of just about anyone willing. You wanted to walk out there and drag him back inside, but again it was a fleeting desire.

The night wore on and people slowly left, until it was just you, Sollux, and the desk attendant. The wine you'd had earlier in the night had worn off, and you were left with sore feet and an exhaustion that was deeper than just bodily fatigue. Idle chit-chat was more draining than it looked.

You had a quick conversation with the desk attendant, who gave you the numbers which honestly shocked you into silence. You made her check that she hadn't misplaced a decimal point, but she laughed and assured you of the correct numbers. Maybe Rose had been right, and you should have been doing this all along. The gallery was going to send you a check that was more than you usually made in a fortnight being a DJ, from just one night.

Sollux was by the door, just inside and leaning against the glass while idly turning a pack of cigarettes in his hand. There was that pesky jealousy again.

“Did that guy give you those?” you took his elbow and opened the door for him on the way out.

“Yeah.” he shrugged and let you lead, but you couldn't tell if he really didn't think any of it or if he was just really good at acting nonchalant.

“What for?” you worked on buttoning your coat one handed.

“To apologize. He tried starting a conversation by asking what I thought of your photos. He finally figured out I was blind, but not until I let him go on for a few minutes first.” he didn't tell it like it was a funny story, but you felt better knowing that at least the guy had made a fool of himself.

“You know I could buy some for you, I actually have the money now.” you couldn't help but sound like a little kid with candy.

“So you sold some?” he sounded like he was trying to be surprised, but was too tired to get there.

“Yeah! I'm getting a fat check next week.” even if he was tired, you felt downright giddy.

“Well congrats Dave, that's awesome.”

“I guess technically I should start a savings account or some shit, but that's going to be hard to want to do.” you were still kind of in incessant chatter mode, it was hard to switch it off. Sollux clearly had a very different time of your show, something more subdued.

“So this wasn't the worst thing that's ever happened to you after all?” he cracked a smile, elbowing you right in the ribs in the way that hurt but you didn't like to admit.

“Yeah okay, it was not the worst thing that I've ever done for money.”

You both were halfway home before you even realized where you were, your feet were doing all the work without your head needing to lead the way. Sollux held your arm and shuffled a little while he walked, his heels scraping the ground with each step. By the time you finally were back to the apartment he couldn't stifle any more yawns, and kicked his shoes off, leaving them in the middle of the floor for a tripping hazard the next day.

You didn't have it in you to start up another conversation after the two of you had been in silence for so long; for once you were all talked out. He practically fell into bed after kicking his pants off, not even bothering with pajamas. You threw the blankets over him and went to write a few emails, you were still too wired up. You could feel the fatigue, but when you tried closing your eyes they just sprung back open.

Time got away from you, and you were startled when you heard movement behind you and Sollux shuffled out of the bedroom to the sofa. He stood behind the sofa and ran his hands along the back until he reached your shoulder.

“Coming to bed?” his voice was muffled behind his hand, finishing off a yawn.

“Oh shit, it's really late isn't it.” you checked the clock, horrified to find it was after 4am.

“Kinda, you coming?” he leaned forward, resting both hands on your shoulders and his chin on your head. He sighed and it tickled your hair.

“Yup, be there in a minute.” you closed your laptop and he left you alone, shuffling slowly back into the bedroom to wait for you.

When you got had changed into pajamas and were finally ready for sleep he was back in bed, but your side had the covers lifted back. You sat on the edge of the bed and he reached out, pulling you down next to him and curling against your side. Somehow that limp arm over your chest made you feel more relaxed than you had been in days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm going to be going for shorter little chapters than the longer ones I did before ^^; For now I've injured my back, and I have to spend a lot of the day lying flat which is difficult to do much of anything in that position. So! I hope everyone had good holidays 8)


	8. Chapter 8

You may have gotten a little overzealous when the gallery faxed over the list of people who had purchased photos from you. Using google to look up every single one of them produced mostly uninteresting facebook pages, but one of them turned out to be a fellow photographer. As it turned out, he was actually a pretty famous advertisement photographer, and way out of your league in terms of artistic achievement. Even worse, he was terribly familiar: the guy who you caught talking to Sollux twice that night.

Your scooby senses were tingling; he had purchased three of your photos, two of which had been of Sollux. Not that you had mentioned it to Sollux that some of the photos in your show had him in them. You doubted he would have sympathized with your cause after knowing that.

It seemed like a better idea to ask Rose if you were being paranoid first, seeing as she was usually pretty good at helping you keep your bullshit under wraps. Although she advised you not to broach it, she was able to recognize your inability not to and gave you advice on what to say. In talking to her it was hard not to sound like a crazy jealous person, which gave you some much needed perspective.

\---

Before you had any time to interrogate Sollux about his mysterious gentleman caller you caught a cold. One night you felt fine, if a little tired, and the next morning everything around you was death and nothing was okay. Sollux was still asleep next to you, oblivious of the suffering your sinuses were producing inside your skull. You took a deep breath and something rattled in your chest, inciting a choking round of coughing.

The coughing roused Sollux and he sighed and rolled over. By the time you could breathe again he was sitting up and rubbing at his eyes.

“Everything okay over there?” he put a testing hand on your side of the bed and it hit you in the stomach.

“Been better.” is what you tried to say, but after a crackle somewhere in your voice box it all came out as a wheezing whisper.

“Woah, are you okay?” he looked more attentive suddenly, twisting to face you.

After some serious throat clearing you managed to get out 'sick', and in the process realized that this wasn't going to go very well. If you couldn't speak out loud and he couldn't see you mouthing words communications were going to be difficult.

“Gimme your phone I'm going to call Karkat.” he slipped out of bed and shuffled around to your night stand. You put the phone into his hand and he shuffled out of the room, where you could hear him talking on the phone. It sounded more like an insult contest than a productive phone call, and you weren't sure what calling Karkat was going to accomplish, but you weren't in a state of mind to ask the real questions.

“KK's going to bring you soup, and Rose wants to know your temperature so if I brought a thermometer could you text it to Rose?” he kept his distance in the doorway, and looked to be wiping your phone down.

“Whatever.” was the attempted word, but all that came out was a death rattle.

“Right uh... you're freaking me out a little so if you need a hospital clap or something.” 

Your temperature came up at just below 102, which according to Rose on speakerphone was just below high enough to go to the hospital. Luckily you didn't want to go to the hospital for any reason, despite that huge pile of shit that you felt like. 

Shortly after Rose instructed you to get some rest Karkat showed up, bearing fresh soup and crackers. You would have gone for some ice cream, but beggars can't be choosers. Truth be told the soup did make you feel a little better, even if Karkat's 'gentle' tones were giving you a headache. It's not like you could actually ask him to shut up in your current state.

Things seemed to pass at different speeds around you, one minute you would be listening to Karkat and Sollux disinfect the apartment, and the next one of them was trying to get you to eat something. 

“I dunno, he seems pretty out of it.”

“Dave? How you feeling?”

You could see both of them kind of hovering over your head, and it was kind of hard to sit up but you managed. Everything was feeling a little bit unreal, and you couldn't hold onto your thoughts for long before they were gone. Most all of the day passed in this strange blur.

By the next morning you were able to remember vividly sleeping alone in the bed, which was lonely and would have been much worse if not for the fact that you had been so incredibly overheated. It was just the fever, but you'd spent almost the entire night exhausted but unable to maintain a deep restful sleep.

You managed to shuffle to the bathroom and then out into the living room. Karkat and Sollux were both curled up on the floor in a pile of couch cushions with one blanket that you didn't recognize. In your still fever addled brain you wanted to dump water all over them, but logic came on strong after the initial strange impulse. They didn't wake up when you got a glass of water and shuffled back into the bedroom.

\---

It took you almost a month to start feeling like a fully functional human being again. Since you had to keep up your DJ gigs even when you were just barely feeling better it didn't leave much room for recovery time. If you didn't keep working reliably you were going to have to dip into your brand new savings account. You had started it at Rose's insistence with the profits from your art show, and to be honest it was nice to have something in a bank account somewhere, even if it wasn't much.

The extra forty dollars in your wallet on the other hand was downright suspicious. You had distinctly remembered only having singles in your wallet after the bar paid you in a fat damp brick and you were too lazy to have it changed into larger bills at the bank. Yet there is was, two crisp twenty dollar bills wedged in a forest of dirty singles. It was mocking you, there was nowhere they could have come from.

You held on to them for as long as you could, hoping they would suddenly make sense, but eventually you had to choose between keeping them or eating dry pasta for the third day in a row. Just as quickly as you spent them it was easy to forget about the problem of their origin. It wasn't until almost a month later when you became an accidental snoop that they made more sense.

A bar had called you as a last minute DJ and somehow all your shirts smelled like stale beer or had mysterious stains on the front. You made the decision to just use of one of Sollux's shirts and quickly grabbed one out of his drawer. The first one you grabbed was way to small for you so you had to find one of his baggier ones, and in the process of shuffling through his drawer you found it.

It was a thin neat stack of twenties held together with a paperclip in the bottom of his drawer. For a second you though you must be seeing something wrong, but after the third time thumbing through what must have been a thousand dollars in twenties you were sure it was real money. Your brain did the automatic jump to crime, remembering what felt like so long ago when Sollux had offered to steal money for you.

But would he do that? Would he really steal money for you, even when you didn't need it anymore? You felt bad even thinking about how disappointed you would be in him if he had, but the extra money in your wallet made so much more sense now. It was even possible that he'd slipped money in more than once and you just never noticed.

You did your best to arrange his drawer like you had never been there, but your heart was pounding in your chest. The accidental snoop never felt very good.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea how long this sequel will go on, I just had a bunch of ideas and wanted to add to the last one! You have no idea how close I was to naming this 'Going in Blind 2: The Revenge', but I just couldn't go through with it. (that's the only naming idea I can think of for any sequel)


End file.
